Patience

Well if God is trying to teach me one thing, it's patience. Although trusting in His will for me is a close 2nd but having patience in His timing has been even more difficult. I mean seriously would God lead us down the wrong path or put us in a harmful situation? no... but as we seek His will he does give us the free will to choose otherwise. Time and time again I have been provided for and blessed continuously, but why is it so hard to accept God's timing right now?!
I graduated PA school in August and with all of me moving back to Georgia and such my diploma is lost in the mail and so is my new GA license. This is another frustrating piece of life to deal with at the moment, because apparently 1.5 months is too short of a time for them to get my mail forwarded here. Plus I changed my address that long ago and things still are not getting to me. I feel like part of my life is still out there and I have to deal with it, and I am really just tired of living two lives. I just found out today I did not get the job I had really wanted and the one alternate job lead I had turned out to be a dead end for now because they will not know for atleast another month if they are going to have the finances to hire a PA. I have begun to search further outside the Augusta area out of desperation almost. I have been considering: Savannah, Charleston, D.C. and NYC although I have yet to hear back from any of those places. I really am struggling and trying to grasp what seems to be thin air; not know as to where God wants me to be. I do truly desire God's will for me and I know my heart will not rest until it rests in Him.
On a side note I've started to unpack my life of boxes, since moving back and having plenty of boxes of my belongings shipped back to GA, I have had little desire to unpack anything. Maybe somewhat hoping I'd have a job and I'd move out and it would be a pain to pack everything back up again but now I'm resigned to the fact that I'll be living with my parents for the next few months and since fall is coming, my cool weather wardrobe must be accessible. I'm also realizing I have too many clothes and I really need to go through them and commit to giving stuff away I just don't wear. I keep things bc they are nice and I wear them every once in awhile but besides special occasion dresses and winter wear, things that aren't worn in 6 months time shouldn't be in your closet. We had such a tease of fall weather last week and this week has been hot, then muggy, then hot and muggy and now rainy and muggy. Not my favorite type of weather to say the least. I am ready for boot wearing, boiled peanut eating, leaf falling, football watching, hot apple cider sippin' kind of fall weather! Another thing I guess I'll have to work on my patience for.

PS. Good quote I found recently... ok two.

It is within my power either to serve God or not to serve Him. Serving Him, I add to my own good and the good of the whole world. Not serving Him, I forfeit my own good and deprive the world of that good, which was in my power to create.

- Leo Tolstoy

AND...

Do everything calmly and peacefully. Do as much as you can as well as you can. Strive to see God in all things without exception, and consent to His will joyously. Do everything for God, uniting yourself to him in word and deed. Walk very simply with the Cross of the Lord and be at peace with yourself.

- St. Francis de Sales

+AMDG+

Day 9: Loves

9 loves:

1. Glitter, it goes great with everything
2. My Catholic Faith, I would be no where without Christ and the Eucharist.
3. Dr. Pepper, ok now this is a total obsession.
4. Boiled Peanuts, meh. i just bought a bag full of raw green peanuts so i could boil them!
5. Family, all of my cousins, nieces, nephew, aunts, uncles, 2nd cousins once removed... you get the picture
6. University of Notre Dame- football, the campus, the atmosphere, the legacy. how could anyone forget the grotto after visiting?
7. Autumn- no better time of year
8. Cooking/Entertaining, love love love this!
9. Newborn babies- they make me melt, love how everything is so small and fragile.

10 day "you" challenge

10 secrets:

1. When I am nervous I constantly touch my face or I play with my hair

2. My least favorite chore is dishes, I'll cook all day long and clean up things as I go but I usually leave a sink full of dishes.

3. Not only do I let my dog sleep with me but he sleeps under the covers with me

4. I can't sleep if I know there is a bug that is not dead, aka escaped my wrath, in my room

5. I like to bake sweets more than I like to eat them

6. I am borderline obsessed with Dr. Pepper, I have 2-3 a day.

7. My shoe size has actually decreased by almost a whole size since high school

8. I place my worth intellectually on my grades, trying to get away from this.

9. Although I travel quite a bit and I want to see so much more in this world, I can't wait to settle down in the country somewhere.

10. I eat pixie sticks with the paper wrapper, yes and swallow them.

Thanks Lori Williams for giving me this idea, now we'll be doing this on the same days!

+AMDG+

Renewal

I had the opportunity to go on a retreat this weekend with my alma mater, Georgia College and State University's, Campus Catholics group. I was kind of hesitant to go at first because its been 3+ years now since I graduated from GCSU and I knew I would hardly know anyone. Plus being out of school now and a few years older than the other retreatants, I figured I'd wouldn't be able to relate as much to them since I am at quite a different stage of life than them. Boy was I wrong in so many ways. I realized that being a youth, no matter what age, has the same challenges and the same frustrations throughout. I heard countless youth share how they longed for a community of people they could call family, and that they could trust and count on. I realized that not only had I longed for that when I was in college but I still sought it now. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful family and a great group of friends but most are married, having children, or are too far away from me. I missed being around a great group of people all the time, to have that sense of comradery and belonging to Christ's body, we the Church. 

I remember when I was a freshman at GCSU and maybe 8 people came to Campus Catholics functions religiously (no pun intended), and it seemed everyone had their own separate lives outside of the weekly meetings. I went to mass every Sunday by myself for almost 2 years, and people would ask me why I went every Sunday when they would see me walk to church alone. I had to think about that for awhile because I knew I wasnt' going because I thought I was supposed to but because one thing I found different between my protestant brothers and sister's is that I go to church for Christ, because he is present there, not because my friends are present with me. But I also longed for a sense of community as well, and because of this I was torn, I even bargained with God in some ways saying "I have gone to church by myself for almost 2 years, I hope this pleases you because I feel terribly alone in my faith sometimes." I also realized that God put me through that time to see how much I loved him and how blindly I was willing to follow in some ways. I am so happy to see how much Campus Catholics has grown over the past few years; it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I love knowing there is a group of people out there who love Christ as much as I do and who I can share my life with. I am so happy to be a member of the Body of Christ, His Church. 

I have been carrying so many burdens recently, as many of you know, but in my mind I had given forgiveness but after going to confession, the priest said... "you have forgiven in your mind, but you speak otherwise." I know this will hurt for some time but God will given me total healing in His time. I had a wonderful talk with the retreat leader, Chris who happens to run the campus ministry at Kenesaw State University. I don't know why but I felt that God was telling me to just be open and to just sit down and talk. I don't even remember how we got on the topic of what was going on in my life but before I knew it, things were spilling out and I was starting to feel bad for just letting things just topple out to someone I hardly knew but he just sat there and listened. He had so many words of wisdom for me; and although some of the things he said to me I already knew, hearing them come from someone else, especially a total stranger, made all the difference. The healing process started during confession that morning, moved to the conversation with Chris out on the dock and hit the pinnacle during adoration that night. I love spending time with Christ in adoration. I am most drawn to going to adoration when my heart is heavy, I go to lay down my troubles at the feet of Jesus and to be renewed in my walk with Him. One thing I have somewhat lacked during adoration is actually realizing the word "adoration" and how I often come to spend time with Christ but rarely do I come to just adore Him. I have gone countless times to adoration and presented my burdens to Christ and pray for answers and wisdom but one thing I haven't done is to leave my burdens at His feet. Instead I have gone and prayed and then picked up my burdens once again instead of leaving them in the hands of God. I also realize I haven't come to just adore Christ and his true presence in the Eucharist. Although I believe in it and I believe it is the most personal time I ever spend with God, I do not adore. I remember last night having Chris lay his hand on me while I was kneeling down and with my head down praying and I just felt my burdens lift and for the first time I felt like I could just sit there and adore, and nothing else mattered. What an amazing feeling?! A quote from the retreat leader, who gives credit to his wife...

"The closest thing to Christ besides the Eucharist, is the person sitting next to you." 

+AMDG+

The Sting and the Pain

I don't know why it still hurts, I have forgiven him but it is not as easy to forget. I can't seem to shake the words that were spoken to me, "if I stayed with you... I would be settling... I would rather be alone than know I settled." I have never been so insulted in my life. I have grown so much from this experience and I have come to a deeper faith and trust in God, for this I am so happy. I just don't know why my peace is so easily disturbed by him. When you put trust in any person, other than God, you are most certainly going to be let down from one time to another. I just didn't think that not only was my trust in another person destroyed but also my heart. I cant' describe the feeling of your heart being split, but then to have it stepped on and kicked after the fact... torture. I really have forgiven him, but I can't as easily forget and I cant as easily not be affected by the situation.

A very wise priest, Fr. Brett Brannen once said  
"the one muscle we cannot control is the human heart. You cannot force yourself to be detached from someone even if you have been hurt by them. You just have to continually ask God to heal your heart and to fill yourself up with Him."

The pain that comes from this is a part of the human condition, and will be there until God sees fit to take it away. I pray that I will be able to continue to carry this cross gracefully, Lord knows I am imperfect but through his healing and grace I may become holy and pleasing in His sight. I want to be healed from this hurt and I want my heart to be whole again. God please help me to pick up the pieces and to make me whole. Give me the strength to love those who have hurt me and to carry my cross joyfully. 

"To Love means loving the unlovable, or it is no virtue at all." - G.K. Chesterton

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me, please continue to pray. The devil knows where I am weak and I need all the help I can get to fight the spirits of rejection, doubt, and bitterness.

+AMDG+

Rejoice, Rejoice and again I say Rejoice

The Lord has blessed me immensely and I can't sing enough praise! I found out this morning that I passed my national physician assistant certification boards, that means I am now Bridgette Pidel PA-C. I took my boards last Thursday and after quite the fiasco of the test center being moved and my GPS taking me in the wrong direction to the supposed new site I arrived and God allowed me to remain calm and collected. I arrived a few minutes late but the test center was quite forgiving and I was able to complete my exam with a clear mind.  I can't explain how awesome it feels to be done and to know that I am certified. It seems only yesterday that I was starting PA school and even that I was applying. I went up to the PA department today to ask a few questions and to hand in a few forms. I wasn't sure if they had everything they needed to submit information for a GA license since when they asked for forms before I was planning on residing in Nevada. I also have to say that I am pretty darn excited to have my Georgia license back and the next thing on the to do list is to get my car registered back with GA plates. Luckily for my Uncle Joe, who collects license plates, he gets to add one other state to his collection that he didn't have before. You really have to enjoy every small victory and not just keep waiting for the big ones.

Among other fun things going on in the life of Bridgette, I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend Dorita's wedding. Dorita was my first friend in undergraduate, we were both nursing majors at the time and had 4 out of 5 of our first semester freshman classes together. She is getting married April 21st and I am in my friend Joy and Max's wedding the weekend before. I am going to be in the running for 27 dresses in no time. This will make 4 weddings this year that I will have the honor of being a bridesmaid in. Any of my other friends out there who are thinking about getting married, wait til atleast next fall please?! It has been even more apparent to me lately how blessed I am. I know it is easy to say that when things are going well but through everything I've had to go through in the past month and all of the hurdles I've had to jump, family and friends have been there every step of the way. I am eternally grateful for the gift that you guys are in my life. I know God has had his hand behind me every step of the way and He has given me those people to help me see it through. God knows what He is doing, even when you have doubts. He has taught me to trust in Him in all situations and to lean not on my own understanding but to trust in God's plan for me. It is a very humbling but gratifying experience to lean solely on God but we will only be truly happy when we are doing His will, not our own.

I am headed out to French Market Grill, a local favorite in Augusta, to celebrate my passing boards with my parents. I very vividly remember going out to celebrate with them when I found out I got into PA school and now it is ending one chapter of my life and entering into a new one. So many exciting things lie ahead! I have a job interview tomorrow for a hematology/oncology position here in Augusta, I pray that God will show me where he wants me and that I will be open to whatever He wants. I am his servant and I hope to serve others through my work as a PA. To whom much is given, much is expected and I hope to always use the talents Christ has given me to bring glory and praise to His name.  "Whatever you do to the least of these, you do for me."

+AMDG+