The Sting and the Pain

I don't know why it still hurts, I have forgiven him but it is not as easy to forget. I can't seem to shake the words that were spoken to me, "if I stayed with you... I would be settling... I would rather be alone than know I settled." I have never been so insulted in my life. I have grown so much from this experience and I have come to a deeper faith and trust in God, for this I am so happy. I just don't know why my peace is so easily disturbed by him. When you put trust in any person, other than God, you are most certainly going to be let down from one time to another. I just didn't think that not only was my trust in another person destroyed but also my heart. I cant' describe the feeling of your heart being split, but then to have it stepped on and kicked after the fact... torture. I really have forgiven him, but I can't as easily forget and I cant as easily not be affected by the situation.

A very wise priest, Fr. Brett Brannen once said  
"the one muscle we cannot control is the human heart. You cannot force yourself to be detached from someone even if you have been hurt by them. You just have to continually ask God to heal your heart and to fill yourself up with Him."

The pain that comes from this is a part of the human condition, and will be there until God sees fit to take it away. I pray that I will be able to continue to carry this cross gracefully, Lord knows I am imperfect but through his healing and grace I may become holy and pleasing in His sight. I want to be healed from this hurt and I want my heart to be whole again. God please help me to pick up the pieces and to make me whole. Give me the strength to love those who have hurt me and to carry my cross joyfully. 

"To Love means loving the unlovable, or it is no virtue at all." - G.K. Chesterton

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me, please continue to pray. The devil knows where I am weak and I need all the help I can get to fight the spirits of rejection, doubt, and bitterness.

+AMDG+